Coffee Filters

Dear Friends,

First, just so you know, that picture above is entirely made from coffee filters. Cool, huh? Yesterday our church service was run by the youth members. I won't lie when I tell you that I was completely apprehensive about attending the service. I'm not into rock music or praise worship. It's just not my thing. I prefer tradition and liturgical services. I don't know if it's the structure of the services I prefer or the routine (which I guess is the same thing), but it suits my personality. So, when the youth director stood up and told the congregation that they were in for something different this Sunday I must admit that I cringed. I also thought that if I wanted to skip a Sunday that this would have been a good one to skip.

And, okay, I'm not going to lie when I tell you that there were 3 or 4 times in the service that I really wished I had skipped the service. I mean, for me, acting out a Lifehouse song with one of the deacons dressed as Jesus was a bit much... not to mention that the youth of our church (Bless them) are really poor actors. It was a definite cringe worthy moment. But, I give them total credit because I never would have gotten up in front of a congregation and done it, so, more power to them

There was one moment, though, that I would like to share with you. And whether you believe in God, the Trinity, or trees, it was a beautiful thing. The youth director explained at the beginning of the service that every seat in the sanctuary had a coffee filter and a marker. Unfortunately for me there wasn't any coffee to go in the coffee filter. I know, sad, right. I was a little upset about it. But, the reason for the coffee filter was even better than coffee. I know, scary that the coffee addict would say something like that.

For our confession, if the member was comfortable, you were to take the coffee filter, the marker and write down your confession. When you were finished you walked up to the front of the church and put the coffee filter in one of many crystal bowls filled with water. The tables were full of glittering candles and the bowls of water refracted the light beautifully. But the most beautiful part was putting your confession into the water and watching it be washed away. The coffee filters were white while the water was colored. For me, that's what Jesus is and does for me. I bring myself to him, covered with markers of all different colors and degrees of permanence. Some are harder to scrub off than others, but once admitted and turned over, they are washed away (or scrubbed off with a Brillo pad) and I'm left looking like myself again, only with a little more glint and glimmer from the candles that are on my table.

I had chills during this part of the service. Goosebumps. It was hard to think of what to write because I wasn't anticipating so much emotion from this small action. But translated into an entire congregation and to connect it to myself and how I bring myself before God brought me to tears. I think this translates to everyone. Very Message in a Bottle. I may start using this in my daily life. Writing down my prayers, confessions, even hopes and blessings. Dipping them in water and watching them be washed away and brought closer to the One that can help me with them. You should try it and let me know what you think. Turn it all over. Be washed and see how much marker comes off of you.

I hope you all have a blessed week. Love to you all,
C-

p.s. Today is my 7 year anniversary. Josh, I love you more now than I did on that day. Happy Anniversary.

Running Through Water

Dear Friends,

I have been thinking a lot on the sermon that my pastor gave Sunday during our church service. Now, God Bless my pastor, but a lot of time when he talks, I tune out. I know that a lot of people do the same thing, but my pastor tends to end his sermons about 4 times. And sometimes I don't feel too intellectually challenged by his words. But, he's good at his job, he keeps most of the congregation from falling asleep and he's great with people and has really helped to build our church.

Sunday I made a very concerted effort to pay attention to the words. First, I was very proud of myself for attending for a month straight... and for attending for the second week in a row by myself. I'm starting to think that it's good that way. Less distraction in the pew. Second, that I was actually trying to pay attention to everything written and said so that I could plow through to find deeper meaning upon reflection. That is SO not me. I tend to go, read the bible, sing my hymns, and ponder God on my own time. The sermon is something that is just in the middle of everything else. But, I am trying to be a better Christian so I can teach Lexy to be a good person and a good Christian, and I guess that means listening to the actual words of the sermon.

Pastor Larry was speaking on John 21, one of the chapters about Jesus appearing to his disciples following the resurrection. He was specifically speaking about the disciple Peter. For those of you who aren't into the religious thing, please bear with me. The chapter is about how following Jesus revealing himself to the disciples, Peter jumped from the boat where they were fishing and leapt into the waters to fight his way to his Lord as fast as possible. His interpretation was that Peter was so thrilled to see his Master that he flew off a boat and into the ocean. He went splashing through the water as fast as he could with the enthusiasm of a child to be with his Lord.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have that much passion and enthusiasm for something that I would leap off a boat into who knows how deep waters and fling myself forward through waves and sand to be the first and the fastest to get to my desired end. And later, upon Jesus' request, Peter single handedly pulls in a full net of fish to feed his brothers and his Lord. To have the brute strength and energy, the excitement and adrenaline to make this achievement. Amazing.

I have this picture in my head of a half-crazed man, arms flailing, leaping with legs pedaling into the water. Okay, and I have to say, that in my head he looks a little like Hugh Jackman (ah, the collective crowd finally understand that beautiful picture of Hugh). I realize that is so not the most religious image, but I can completely see Hugh leaping through the air in pure ecstasy. He seems to be a joyful person which may be why I have his face in my head when I think about this. And, of course, it's keeping me thinking about it which is also a good thing. But, in truth, to be a fisherman in the time of Jesus and the disciples, you had to be in excellent shape, and they tended to work in the buff. Which is also part of the chapter in John with Peter clothing himself BEFORE jumping off the boat. Again, back to Hugh... but, I digress.

I'm wondering about how this applies to me (other than the Hugh Jackman obsession). Do I have anything in my life that I have that much enthusiasm for? Lexy, obviously. I think it qualifies that I would jump off of, fly through, run at, or deal with anything at all, as enthusiasm at being a mother. But what else? What would it be like to live life with so much joy and unabashed love for something. To embrace life with zest, to run at something instead of run from something. To live life with love, joy, ecstasy, peace, purity of being. To carry even a small piece of that in everyday life. To remember in the smallest actions that feeling.

So, here goes. I am going to work on remembering to live life a little more like Peter. With the thrill of knowing that God is in front of me and all I have to do is jump.

I hope you all will take a jump with me today, to God, to a friend, to anything.

Love to you all,

C-

Thursday Thankfulness

Dear Friends,

My Thursday Thankfulness idea was supposed to make the whole blogging thing a little easier. I thought that if I had a topic the subject would come easier. Instead it sometimes makes things a little bit more difficult. I have been thinking all day about faith and writing about that as my thankfulness. In fact I have started and stopped writing about it about 5 times already. I haven't been able to put it into the correct words. It somehow feels fake or wrong and I'm not sure why. I think about it easily, but trying to put the words down on page is much different. And so, I will make this a short post.

I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful that when I wander, struggle, argue, and don't behave the way that I should I am able to return and that I am welcomed and loved and forgiven and accepted and soothed. I am thankful for that peace and the knowledge that I don't have to be perfect, it's not expected but it's expected in the attempt. I am thankful that I can now have this venue to express myself and to make me stop and think and breathe and that I can acknowledge aspects of myself that I don't tend to discuss with people. I am thankful that I can learn and grow in my faith and that I can accept my faults and my hardships and learn from them because of it.

I hope that all my friends feel comfortable in this setting to express what they believe or don't, that they feel love and safety and the strength of camaraderie. I hope that you are all thankful for something and that it brings you the same peace and warmth and love that I find in my faith as a Christian.

Love to you all,

C-

Internal (Maybe External) Rant

Dear Friends,

I'm having a bit of an internal struggle about today's post. I was reading a friends writing this morning and she was discussing religion, Christianity in particular, and how there are some books that she reads that she really enjoys because they question religion and it's establishments and doctrines in philosophical and Christian ways (Glennon, if you're reading this and I got that wrong, let me know). It was making me think about some of the people I know and how sometimes it seems that the people who claim to be the most Christian are really the least Christian.

It makes me cringe a bit to write things about religion, although I think about it often enough. I mean, who really cares what I think about religion? But, well, this is my blog and I get to write about anything and everything I want to. Wow, that's a sense of power that I don't tend to have in my everyday life. How disturbing. Okay, so more than anything I think about the hypocrisy of some of the people that are in my life, some in by choice, others not, who use religion on a daily basis and who don't seem to notice that they use it as an offensive weapon or that they say one thing and then act in a completely different manner. I really wonder what they think they're doing and what they think they're accomplishing by it.

I have to say, I just reread that and it makes NO sense whatsoever. I don't feel comfortable mentioning names of people that I'm thinking of right now, because I don't want to stir the pot and I don't want to hurt some people. I think that it would be good for a few of them to have something thrown in their face for self-examination, but I'm not sure a public forum is the best way to do it. Of course, in person I am a completely nonconfrontational, passive-aggressive, wimp who doesn't feel qualified to discuss religion because I don't have the bible memorized. And I do realize that that in and of itself doesn't mean that I don't have a knowledge base or understanding of my religion. That is my confession of the day. But, I do know enough that I don't throw or attack people with religion. I like to have calm and reasonable discussions including both points of view and try to show people the love I have for my God versus attempting to force people into the same manner of thinking. I think that example is more telling than speaking/lecturing/ranting...

And on that deep and meaningful note... Have I told you lately how much I love Chuck. It is seriously one of the funniest shows on TV, I highly recommend it. I look forward to it every Monday night. I don't even Tivo it so I can see it the minute it comes on. And I love Dancing with the Stars, because I could totally learn how to dance if I took myself out of real life and trained for 8 hours a day with a professional dancer. And I would look damn good with a spray tan, and AMAZING in one of those Latin costumes.


Love to you all,

C-

p.s. Please leave me some comments today if you're reading. I want some opinions on this and am feeling needy! I'm in need of a virtual hug.