Hello, My Name is Carin....

Hello, my name is Carin and I'm a soccer-holic. I feel it's important to make this confession to you because we are on the verge of a massive soccer breakthrough and event in this country come tomorrow, approximately 12 pm. This is the time the USA v Algeria game should be ending. Preferably with a USA trouncing of their opponent. I mention this obsession only because it has reached it's worst for the World Cup. I have taken the morning off of work tomorrow so I won't miss the game. Yes, that's right. I have taken off from a part-time job so I can watch my home team play in the world cup.

Now, this may not seem like much if you're familiar with the sport or are from another country. In other places around the world the government will actually shut down the country for world cup match. Here? Not so much. I've been resigned to Live Stream on ESPN3 while at work so I can keep up with match play and the scores of the games. Thank you, Al Gore, for inventing the Internet. I don't know how hard my head would hit the floor if it weren't for the ESPN3 Live Stream.

I also mention this problem that I'm having because there is an article on the vuvuzela, the traditional African horn (the one that sounds like a herd of locusts about to descend in biblical proportions and eat your home, livestock, children, and anything else that you don't have tied down and maybe even the things you do) in the Washington Post this morning. I am so into this Cup that I have put aside the article (in the health section mind you) so that I may read it following this beautiful and heartfelt confession of my inadequacies. Oh, and just in case you were wondering about the purpose and function of said horns:



Yes. Saturday when my husband had agreed to watch Lexy play outside for the morning so I could watch the much talked about USA v Slovenia game... I dragged her inside with me for the first half and made her play with her inside toys, just so I could watch my beloved USA seeing as how Josh had to go out to run errands for "just a little bit". My fellow countrymen defending my honor and upholding all I cherish as a Patriot performed beautifully, following a first half tirade by yours truly.

Second half also incurred some of the "Wrath of Carin". In fact, I believe I may have reached ultra-sonic sounds with my yelling and conversing with the referees (the ones all the way in South Africa)... During the second half, while Josh had Lexy in the backyard on the swings... Lexy looked up at her father and said "Mommy's inside yelling. Want to go inside and see Mommy yelling". Yes. All the doors and windows were closed.

As I said. This is an obsession. Or maybe it's just a life choice. A calling. A passion. A true love. A dream.

Go USA!!! Beat Algeria!!!

Coffee Filters

Dear Friends,

First, just so you know, that picture above is entirely made from coffee filters. Cool, huh? Yesterday our church service was run by the youth members. I won't lie when I tell you that I was completely apprehensive about attending the service. I'm not into rock music or praise worship. It's just not my thing. I prefer tradition and liturgical services. I don't know if it's the structure of the services I prefer or the routine (which I guess is the same thing), but it suits my personality. So, when the youth director stood up and told the congregation that they were in for something different this Sunday I must admit that I cringed. I also thought that if I wanted to skip a Sunday that this would have been a good one to skip.

And, okay, I'm not going to lie when I tell you that there were 3 or 4 times in the service that I really wished I had skipped the service. I mean, for me, acting out a Lifehouse song with one of the deacons dressed as Jesus was a bit much... not to mention that the youth of our church (Bless them) are really poor actors. It was a definite cringe worthy moment. But, I give them total credit because I never would have gotten up in front of a congregation and done it, so, more power to them

There was one moment, though, that I would like to share with you. And whether you believe in God, the Trinity, or trees, it was a beautiful thing. The youth director explained at the beginning of the service that every seat in the sanctuary had a coffee filter and a marker. Unfortunately for me there wasn't any coffee to go in the coffee filter. I know, sad, right. I was a little upset about it. But, the reason for the coffee filter was even better than coffee. I know, scary that the coffee addict would say something like that.

For our confession, if the member was comfortable, you were to take the coffee filter, the marker and write down your confession. When you were finished you walked up to the front of the church and put the coffee filter in one of many crystal bowls filled with water. The tables were full of glittering candles and the bowls of water refracted the light beautifully. But the most beautiful part was putting your confession into the water and watching it be washed away. The coffee filters were white while the water was colored. For me, that's what Jesus is and does for me. I bring myself to him, covered with markers of all different colors and degrees of permanence. Some are harder to scrub off than others, but once admitted and turned over, they are washed away (or scrubbed off with a Brillo pad) and I'm left looking like myself again, only with a little more glint and glimmer from the candles that are on my table.

I had chills during this part of the service. Goosebumps. It was hard to think of what to write because I wasn't anticipating so much emotion from this small action. But translated into an entire congregation and to connect it to myself and how I bring myself before God brought me to tears. I think this translates to everyone. Very Message in a Bottle. I may start using this in my daily life. Writing down my prayers, confessions, even hopes and blessings. Dipping them in water and watching them be washed away and brought closer to the One that can help me with them. You should try it and let me know what you think. Turn it all over. Be washed and see how much marker comes off of you.

I hope you all have a blessed week. Love to you all,
C-

p.s. Today is my 7 year anniversary. Josh, I love you more now than I did on that day. Happy Anniversary.

Help Me, Please Help Me.

Dear Friends,

I am not a liar. For those of you who have known me forever, you know that this is true. I also don't curse. If you've known me forever you know that this one is true too. For those of you who don't know me very well or are a visiting Monkee (I love you Monkees), it's important for you to know that I am one of the most brutally honest people you will ever meet and if I think something, a lot of the time it tends to come tumbling out of my mouth. This is both a blessing and a curse. It can be refreshing to have someone tell you something that smacks you in the face but is something you need to hear. At least, that's what I tell myself when I say something stupid that I know I'm going to regret later.

I told myself that I wouldn't exclude any parts of my life from this blog, that I would be open and honest and that I would let my friends know what is going on in my life and that I would pray for responses and comments that will help me through the tough times, make me laugh at myself, and help me chronicle the way I'm learning to be a mother and a parent to Lexy. So. Deep breath. That's what this blog is about, right? Learning to breathe. This one is going to hurt.

I have someone in my life I'm supposed to love that I just can't bring myself to. I don't know how.

Growing up we all learn that we should love our families, our friends, our neighbors, as we love ourselves. I try and practice this. Really, I do. I know that there are some people that just don't click, but as I grow older I have come to the conclusion that if you give people time and listen and watch that there is usually some common ground. There is something that can bond you, tie you to another person. You don't have to love everyone but you should at least respect them.

I have one person that just makes me insane. I can't look at anything that she says or does without looking for an ulterior motive or underlying criticism. I know this is wrong. I know I should take everything at face value. And then I get around her, or get an email from her and I just feel like I've taken a punch in the gut. I feel like I'm 7 years old and the boy that picks on me at school just told everyone that I pick my nose. Now, that was hard for me to write, because I don't do noses. Noses gross me out like nothing in the world. I can do vomit, blood, diapers, accidents. Anything else. But I can't do noses, so when I say that this reminds me of that critical moment in elementary school that turned me inside myself and made me small then you know it's a serious thing. It's not without justification. I have watched and learned that this person is a master manipulator. She's done it with me, my family, my parents, and I've watched her do it with other members of her family. And no one says anything or does anything about it. It seems like it's an accepted aspect of her being and everyone has agreed that it's okay. I'm not sure how I can remember to breathe when I'm around her.

This was all brought on by an email that I got a few days ago. To which part of my response actually included a section something along the lines of "if you want something just say what you want". Don't beat around the bush. I have a few pet peeves and one of them is being passive-aggressive. I guess this comes along with always speaking my mind, so it bothers me when people can't just be honest. But, to attempt to be manipulative about it really irks me. I haven't received a response yet, so I'm wondering if my response to her didn't read as it was written. Email is a wonderful way to have miscommunication with someone. I did say it really nicely, I did. I can be very tactful with my brutal honesty. I know it was written nicely because I had to rewrite it about 3 times before it came across gently as opposed to smack. I promise, it was tactful. Really.

I apologize for this rant. What I think I'm really getting at is asking for my friends and my "readers" to offer me strength when it comes to this person. If you have someone in your life that does this to you, I would love to know how you deal with it. Please help me learn to grow and be accepting and try and learn to love this person. Please comment. I need your comments today. Please sign up to be a reader. I love seeing that number go up and it gives me strength and pride. I know it's selfish and I know that it's completely needy. But, I can use the love and the responses. Its nice to have a conversation with someone that doesn't revolve around Elmo, ladybugs, or Twinkle Twinkle.

Love to you all,

C-

p.s. I really am nervous about this one. I don't think it's completely masked who this person is to me and I don't want to be hurtful or rude. I must remember to breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Everything is better when you breathe.

Little Obsessions

Dear Friends,

I made a comment recently that I was concerned I might be making Lexy OCD. Don't get me wrong, she's a typical 2 year old. She would prefer to pull all her toys out at once and dump them on the floor than put any of them away... but she does have a few things that she finds annoying. She doesn't like it when Josh leaves his shoes in the living room. That is a constant source of "Mommy, put it away".

She absolutely loves to help me put the dishes away. She "helps" by taking everything out of the dishwasher and placing it on the floor. She will hand me things one by one if I ask for them, but typically she finds a sippy cup, then the top, puts them together and wanders off to chew on the straw. This leaves me to bend over 50 times to pick things up. And then wonder exactly how sanitary that is, because no matter how many times I've mopped the floor in the last month, there is always dirt (Thanks, Josh), dog food, crumbs, or other unidentifiable things on the hard wood. I will attempt to remind myself that the bending is extra exercise and is good for my waistline and the dirt is fiber.

Lexy is also obsessed with the "If you give a mouse a..." books at the moment. Kohl's came out with 4 of them this Christmas and we have all of those plus 2 others that I ordered off of eBay. We can read these books 50 times a day. Each. This is not an exaggeration. She will get one, give it to me to read, then get another. We'll read all 6 that we have, then start over. I believe I have them all memorized, along with every Dr. Seuss book ever written. And do you have any idea how prolific Dr. Seuss was? There are not enough hours in the day, but if you're interested, give me a call and I'll be happy to recite "Hop on Pop" or "The Eye Book" for you. Just in case you've forgotten how great they are.

Josh is getting ready to start up with his obsession. Baseball. I believe that I heard him mention "fantasy league" again this year. This means: Orioles games on constantly for what seems like every night for the next 150 nights. Don't get me wrong, I love baseball. For those of you who know me, I love all sports. But I am not the kind of woman that can watch baseball on TV more than once a week. It just goes too slow. And to add the fantasy to it. Ugh. It means MORE computer time for Josh, which, if you know my husband was already outrageously high. And more baseball games on the TV, just so he can watch his "players". Is it too much if I make a little prayer "Dear Lord, I know that the players having a strike in the 90's was bad for the MLB players and workers, but if it's not too much to ask, could they all have the flu (at the same time) maybe once or twice a month... just for a little downtime? Thank you, God. Love, Carin, aka soon to be a fantasy baseball widow".

My obsession? I don't think I have time for one. Although, come to think of it, in the last week this blog has become an obsession. And facebook. I am seriously getting hopeless with facebook. I'll check my page every 30 minutes to see if anyone has written or updated their status, added pictures, anything. But, I suppose, as long as it doesn't interfere with work or with Lexy that that's an okay obsession. Although, it is starting to make me feel seriously needy. And since it hasn't stopped me from having to pick up the shoes from the floor or all the Dr. Seuss books I guess I'll stick with it. Everyone should have an obsession, right? Oh, goodness, and did I mention that I get my emails on my phone. So I can check on everything the second it comes in? Okay. Officially obsession. And I don't even get that many emails!!!

So, thank you to Dr. Seuss, Laura Numeroff (If You Give A Mouse A...),MLB, and facebook for making my household somewhere that I am considering putting up padded walls in each room, just so I can survive the day.